Global Child Protection Parenting Curriculum

Year 1, Lesson 12: A Healed Garden: Love’s Transformation

Time Needed: 45 minutes

Garden Images:

Index

Teacher Preparation

Introduction

New Ideas

Caregiver Connection

Application/Activity

Reflection

Closing

Teacher Preparation

Objectives

The caregiver will be able to:

• Hear a story about how love transforms families, renewing hearts so that parents and children thrive.
• Explore how receiving and accepting love decreases unhealed pain and breaks family abuse patterns, helping parents and children love (not hurt) others.
• Identify healthy conditions in the home that enable children to thrive (address conditions around child marriage, labor, etc.).
• List practical steps to pursuing healthy home conditions.

Materials

• Chalkboard and chalk
• Bible story materials:
  • 4 seeds (or other small item to represent seeds, such as pebbles or beans)
  • 4 ceramic plates
  • Small rocks
  • A small branch with thorns (or other dried plant to represent thorns, such as straw or dried weeds)
  • A tea or coffee cup sized amount of healthy soil

Preparation

• Read the lesson and reflect on how to teach it wisely.
• Skim previous lesson. Prepare to have a quick review at the beginning of class.
• Prepare for the Parable of the Sower soil demonstration in the introduction:
  • Place a table or other surface at the front of the classroom so participants can see the demonstration.
  • Place the four ceramic plates on the table. Each plate represents one type of soil described in the parable. Leave one empty to represent the path. Place the small rocks on the second plate to represent the rocky soil. Place the thorny plant (or straw/weeds) on the third plate. Place the healthy soil on the fourth plate.
• Review the lesson’s activity carefully and add examples of other negative (or positive) parenting practices in the community that promote loving or destructive home conditions (to use in the game). To prepare for possible discussion, without judgement, think about how to best help parents grasp that certain practices promote destructive conditions for a child’s growth. Note that the third and fourth objectives are met through the activity and the closing lesson discussion.
• Draw the chart for the lesson activity on a chalkboard or whiteboard in advance of class.

Introduction

5 minutes

In our last lesson, we discussed how children are meant to receive kind, protective treatment, but that people we are inclined to trust sometimes want to wrong our children to meet their own needs.

• Who might these people be? Family members or friends; visitors in our homes, people in positions of authority, such as community leaders, teachers, merchants, etc.
• What are some practices that we can do to protect our children? We can recognize warning signs, such as inappropriate attention to children; make sure that one or more adults are with a child when strangers are involved; say no to child marriage; refuse to allow known abusers in our homes; take steps to protect children when strangers or other visitors stay in our homes.

Protecting our children presents challenges for caregivers. This is also true when problems arise within the family itself. How can God’s love penetrate our families, bringing change and hope? In an earlier lesson’s story, two parents, Adom and Anika, hoped their new family would be happier and healthier than their childhood families, but discovered they had problems as parents. What can we do when we recognize that we have family patterns that hurt our children?

In the Bible, Jesus tells a parable (a simple story used to explain a point) about a farmer throwing good seed on different kinds of soil. Pay attention to the different kinds of soil Jesus’ describes:

Matthew 13:3-9

3 …He said, “A farmer went out to plant his seed. 4 He scattered the seed on the ground. Some fell on a path. Birds came and ate it up. 5 Some seed fell on rocky places, where there wasn’t much soil. The plants came up quickly, because the soil wasn’t deep. 6 When the sun came up, it burned the plants. They dried up because they had no roots. 7 Other seed fell among thorns. The thorns grew up and crowded out the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It produced a crop 100, 60 or 30 times more than what was planted. 9 Whoever has ears should listen.”

I wonder what Jesus meant? Let’s look at a visual aid to help us understand. Follow these instructions:

1. Stand behind or next to the table and hold up the empty plate that represents the path.
2. What type of soil did Jesus first describe? A path. Drop one seed (or pebble) on the plate, holding it up for all to see. What did Jesus say would happen to the seed? Birds came and ate it up.
3. Hold up the plate with the small rocks on it. How did Jesus describe the second type of soil? Rocky places without much soil. Drop one seed (or pebble) on the rocks. What happened to these seeds? The plants grew up, but the sun burned them because they had no roots.
4. Hold up the third plate with the thorny weeds on it. How did Jesus describe the third type of soil? As soil with thorns. Drop one seed on the thorny weeds. What happened to these seeds? The thorns grew up and choked the seeds.
5. Hold up the fourth plate with the healthy soil on it. Drop the last seed on the good soil. How did Jesus describe the fourth type of soil? As good soil. What happened to these seeds? They grew healthy plants that thrived.

• What helped seeds to develop in this story? The type of soil that received the seed.

• What do you think Jesus meant in this story? Accept all answers, encouraging the participants to share ideas, especially if this story is new to them.

Jesus later explains that the seeds represent the message of God’s kingdom. One way we can understand this message is as God’s unconditional love for us poured out in Jesus, just as the farmer scatters seeds in this story. We have discussed how receiving God’s unconditional love allows a person to change and grow. Love is like the seeds in this parable—God’s love is available to change and grow us. However, this parable describes how not all environments receive love and allow it to take root. The soil conditions must be right to receive love and a family and home are the same.

New Ideas

15 minutes

Let’s continue the story about Anika and Adom, two young parents who grew up in unhappy homes. Adom’s family was violent, and Anika’s aunt and uncle who raised her ignored and neglected her. Though Adom and Anika desired to raise their son well, their family histories made this difficult. Our story today tells about how Anika and Adom hear and receive some new ideas about how their current home might change so that the conditions are positive for everyone’s growth. Let’s hear what they learn:

Story

Something unusual and interesting happened in Anika and Adom’s community. An organization came into their area and opened the first community center. “What is a community center?” different people asked. “Why would we attend?” Anika and Adom’s village was poor, with most people just trying to earn enough money for their families to survive. Who had time for a community center? Surprisingly, one of the first activities offered was a group class on parenting led by Mr. and Mrs. Hoole, the new leaders of the community center. Mr. and Mrs. Hoole lived on a plot of land with their children and grandchildren. They were not wealthy, but everyone knew that the family was hardworking, kind, honest, and close with one another.

Anika and Adom decided to attend the parenting class out of curiosity and because they admired the Hoole family. In the first meeting, Mr. Hoole told his life’s story, sharing unusual personal detail. He described his difficult childhood and how his mother watched his every move, criticizing him for his poor marks in school, calling him a fool and a failure. Mr. Hoole’s father would disappear for weeks at a time, leaving their family struggling to have enough food to eat. During one such desperate, tense time when the family had absolutely nothing left to eat, Mr. Hoole and his mother had an argument because he did not want to leave school and do hard labor instead. His mother slapped his face, leaving a dark mark that hurt less than her words to him, “You are an irresponsible disappointment just like your father. You aren’t even good at school!”

The truth of her words hurt him, and Mr. Hoole ran outside of his village and onto a nearby hill to be alone. It was during the cool season and a light breeze blew. He sat on a rock with his head in his hands, when a singing bird captured his attention, turning him away from his suffering. Perhaps you also have had a moment like this, when all hope seemed gone, only for something sweet and beautiful to catch your attention and awaken your heart to a greater love outside yourself. This moment was like that for Mr. Hoole.

“Sometimes we learn things from other people and are taught by their words. Other times we sense a truth inside and outside of us and know it is true,” explained Mr. Hoole. “This moment was like that. I cannot explain it, but I suddenly knew that my current desperate situation would one day end. My mother and father created conditions in our home that encouraged anger, bitterness, and avoiding responsibility that made my heart hard with hopelessness. My heart had to turn from their shame and hopelessness, remaining open. With the right conditions, I might even accept my shortcomings and turn toward my strengths. I might one day have my own home, one where the conditions made hope and contentment possible.”

Then Mrs. Hoole jumped in saying, “Mr. Hoole overcame some of the hardship of his childhood that day, but it was creating different conditions in our own home that was most difficult!” she said cheerfully. “Mr. Hoole and I have had times with very little money, but we chose not to run away or cope by criticizing and hurting one another. We admitted our painful past and how it hurt us today. We made mistakes, but the most important commitment we made was to turn to God and trust him to keep hope alive, protecting us from shame or despair that would prevent us from receiving his love. Rather than trying to create ideal children, we aimed for a loving home environment. This helped create conditions that allow everyone to grow and thrive.

Anika and Adom listened to Mr. and Mrs. Hoole’s story with interest. They grew intrigued with the idea that God would help them adjust the conditions in their home and learn from Mr. Hoole’s story. Perhaps a community center with an opportunity to meet other parents could help them, after all!

Ask the following questions, rereading the story to the group as needed:

• What surprises you about this story? Accept all answers. Perhaps that Mr. Hoole speaks so openly, or that God helps the Hooles change their home.
• Why do people respect the Hoole family? They are hardworking, kind, honest, and close with one another.
• How does the story describe Mr. Hoole’s parents? His mother is harsh and violent while his father disappears for long periods of time.
• What happens that helps Mr. Hoole see his future in a new way? In a despairing moment while alone, he realizes that while his home did not encourage him, his heart could still remain open to change.
• What conditions were a problem in his own home? His parents’ anger, bitterness, and avoidance of responsibility encouraged his heart to be hopeless.
• How do Mr. and Mrs. Hoole create better conditions in their own home? They chose not to run away, criticize or hurt one another. They admitted their own painful past and how it affected them. They turned to God, trusting him to keep hope alive and not allow shame or despair to defeat them. They focused on good conditions in their home, rather than perfect children.
• How might parents unwisely focus on raising perfect children, rather than creating positive home conditions so their children can learn and grow into their true purpose? Allow the group time to think. Then accept all answers, discussing how often parents want their children to achieve, work, or develop for their parents’ personal gain, rather than for the child’s good. Rather than encouraging a child to discover their own gifts, parents might want children to develop according to their own desires.

Caregiver Connection

5 minutes

Like Mr. Hoole, we do not choose our childhood and its conditions. However, also like Mr. Hoole, we can watch for moments of understanding when we recognize God’s love and hope and new possibilities come to mind. If our hearts and minds are filled with “good soil”, prepared to receive seeds of love and hope, we can change. For the Hoole family, this meant not ignoring their painful past, but choosing to trust God to give them hope and kindness. They also accepted their mistakes so that their family could safely learn and grow. It also meant focusing their parenting on good conditions for growth, rather than trying to create ideal children.

Some of the best conditions in a home that allow parents and children to grow and mature are:

• Pursuing every person’s essential worthiness of love, no matter their shameful mistakes.
• Rejecting family abuse patterns that the parents experienced and developing new, loving patterns that support their children.
• Choosing what is good for a child, while turning from a parent’s desire to control children for their own needs.

Application/Activity

15 minutes

Explain that for the group activity, you will play a game. Follow these instructions:

1. Congratulate the team with the most points as the winner!Divide the class into two groups: Team 1 and Team 2. Make sure that Team 1 is on one side of the room and Team 2 is clearly on the other side.
2. Display the chalkboard or white board with the chart that's at the bottom of this Activity section. If participants have low literacy, include simple symbols to indicate meaning. Explain that the left side has conditions to promote growth and health while the right side has conditions that promote shame and limitation:
3. Explain that you will read different parenting practices and situations out loud. Members of each team need to decide which condition the practice exemplifies.
4. As soon as a team member knows the answer, this person should immediately raise their hand in the air. You must choose the person who first raises a hand to give a response. If they respond correctly, give the person’s team a point.
5. If a person answers incorrectly, give the other team a chance to answer. Whichever team answers correctly gets the point.
6. Read aloud these examples and note that the answers are included:
   • Saying “you are a failure” when a child makes a mistake (use of shame).
   • Mother recognizes her tendency to criticize unkindly and chooses encouraging words instead (admit family abuse patterns and choose new ones).
   • In a moment of significant financial need, choosing to keep a child in school rather than work (choosing what is good for the child).
   • Apologizing to a family member when we make a mistake (pursuing new family patterns).
   • Allowing a daughter who is a good student to pursue higher education (choosing what is good for the child).
   • Forcing a son to take over the family business when he prefers a different job (control children for parental gain).
   • When a family member with a history of abuse wishes to visit, refuse (admit family abuse patterns or choose what is good for a child).
   • Forcing a child to marry when they are under 18 and not finished with school (control children for parental gain).
   • Allowing friends and family access to children alone without proper supervision (continue hurtful family practices or control children for personal gain).
   • Beating a child for not completing chores (use of shame or violence).
   • Saying to a child, “You did not complete this project I asked you to do. What happened? What direction or help do you need so that you can finish it?” (promote worthiness of unconditional love or choose what is good for a child).
   • Take a child’s privileges away (such as free-time with friends) when they disobey (promote worthiness of unconditional love or choose what is good for children).
   • Pressure a child to achieve so that a parent has a good reputation (control children for parental gain).
   • Say to a child, “You are such a fool for doing this household chore wrong! You are a disappointment!” (use of shame and violence or continue hurtful family practices).
7. Allow for group discussion as you play the game. If one team gives a wrong answer and the other team the right one, allow the participants to discuss their confusion and use it as an opportunity to encourage how accepted practices (such as child marriage) do not promote positive growth conditions.
8. Congratulate the team with the most points as the winner!

Chart to display on chalkboard or whiteboard

Promote worthiness of uncontional love	Use of shame and violence
Admit family abuse patterns and pursue new ones	Continue hurtful family practices
Choose what is good for children	Control children for parental gain

Reflection

4 minutes

Parenting children is challenging, especially as we face new, unpredictable situations every day. We often make mistakes, especially if we have not been willing to examine our lives and our family history. Even as we seek change and growth, we still make mistakes! This is why focusing on the overall conditions of our home is so important. If we look to God to help us recognize the unconditional worth of every family member, pursue new healthy patterns and choose what is good for children, the overall loving conditions in our home will make mistakes and trauma less damaging.

Changing our parenting is not easy, especially if we have not received loving conditions in our own childhood. In the story, Mr. Hoole realizes that hope is possible through a moment of beauty and understanding when he is alone. Mr. Hoole has an encounter with God and his love, giving him hope. Let’s take a moment of silence and respond to either of these questions:

• When is a time in your life when, like Mr. Hoole, you knew that love and hope were possible through an encounter with God (even if you did not know it was God at the time)? What truth did you learn?
• What truth of love and hope would you like to receive from God now? How can God help you open your mind and heart to receive it?

Give the participants 1-2 minutes of silence to think and listen. These are personal questions, but if any participants are willing, allow them to share. If appropriate, consider sharing a story of understanding love and hope from your own life.

Closing

1 minute

To close the lesson, ask these questions:

• What common parenting practices did you learn are not good for the children in a home? Allowing friends and family free access to children without supervision; child marriage; forcing certain careers or preventing further education; harsh criticism or violence, etc.
• What practical ideas did you discover through our group activity for raising children well? Giving children reasonable consequences for misbehavior; offering help and support when disobedient rather than giving harsh criticism; encouraging a child’s strengths instead of controlling key choices such as marriage, education and future jobs, etc.
• What conditions of love and hope would you most like for your own home? Accept answers.

As you seek to improve the conditions of your home, remember Jesus’ story about the different types of soil. Just like the healthy soil, we are prepared to change when we are open and ready to receive seeds of God’s love.

• How might you need to receive your unconditional worth as a person? How can you turn away from despair and toward hope? If appropriate, recommend local resources for help and support in the community, such as at Compassion’s program.

Global Child Protection Parenting Curriculum