Global Child Protection Parenting Curriculum

Year 1, Lesson 11: A Maintained and Healthy Garden - Protecting Children in the Context of Visitors

Time Needed: 55 minutes

Garden Images:

Index

Teacher Preparation

Introduction

New Ideas

Caregiver Connection

Application/Activity

Reflection

Closing

Teacher Preparation

Objectives

The caregiver will be able to:

• Hear a story about how trusted adults or children, such as visiting family members, friends, teachers, or neighbors can secretly wrong children, but how God desires them to be protected.
• List appropriate behaviors that a child should expect from all adults, including those in authority over them.
• List warnings signs that indicate that another person intends to wrong a child.
• List wise practices to protect children from possible wrongs committed against them.
• Note: For African or other applicable contexts, mention children staying with family or in dorms for their education.
• Explore cultural reasons that adults might resist protecting their children from friends, family, strangers or other adults in authority over them.

Materials

• Chalkboard and chalk
• Notebook
• Child Protection Practices drawings (see Preparation)

Preparation

• Read the lesson and reflect on how to teach it wisely.
• Skim previous lesson. Prepare to have a quick review at the beginning of class.
• Draw the “Child Protection Practices” pictures for the activity in the Caregiver Connection section. There are 5 pictures, so there should be 5 separate papers. Sample pictures you might draw are included on the chart in the section.
• Review the abuse situations described in the Activity section. If other abuse situations are common in your community, use those situations instead or in addition to the suggestions in the lesson. Think about common reasons that adults in your community might resist protecting their children in these situations and be prepared to share them with the groups as needed.

Introduction

5 minutes

In the previous lesson, we discussed how our community and culture might pressure us to care for children in unhealthy ways.

• Why do we find it so difficult to care for our children differently than our extended family and community? Accept answers. Some possible answers are: others judge us or gossip about us or confront us because we are not participating in local norms, etc.
• Why should we sometimes parent differently than our local practices? Accept answers. Some possible answers are: Some local parenting norms damage a child’s heart, mind and body; sometimes an entire community can have wrong ideas about how to care for children, etc.

Today’s lesson will explore another situation where good things such as hospitality and caring for visitors in our home can present dangers for our children. In most cultures in the world, when adults are present, their needs are valued most, and children’s needs are considered less important. However, a story in the Bible involving Jesus demonstrates that God values children just as much as adults.

Matthew 18:1-9

One of Jesus’ followers asked him which type of person is the most important in the kingdom of heaven.

• Who do you think is the most important in heaven? Accept all answers.

This is how Jesus responded:

2 Jesus called a little child over to him. He had the child stand among them. 3 Jesus said, “What I’m about to tell you is true. You need to change and become like little children. If you don’t, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Anyone who takes the humble position of this child is the most important in the kingdom of heaven. 5 Anyone who welcomes a little child like this one in my name welcomes me.

• What does Jesus’s response tell you about how he views children? Jesus values children. He honors their dependence, humility, innocence. Children understand faith better than adults at times.

Jesus continues by emphasizing God’s strong stance regarding the protection of children.

6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

It is sad to think that people would cause harm to our children, but even Jesus knew this is a reality in our world. As in all areas of life, we must consider the potential for evil to occur, especially any time human beings are involved. We might find it awkward to suspect other people of evil. Sometimes we do not wish to suspect other people of it, and other times we do.

• What kind of people do we usually want to think well of? The participants may be unsure how to respond, but give them time to think. Explore together how we generally think well of people who are like us, or who might help us out or give us something that we need; people in authority with power whose support we need, etc.
• What kind of people do we find it easy to think evil of? Give the participants time to think. Explore together how we easily suspect evil of our enemies, those who are different from us, those who have offended us in some way, or others that are beneath our notice, etc.

We find it easiest to recognize evil in someone we disagree with or who openly hurts us, but what about evil that a person hides while pretending to do good for us? We can have powerful reasons that lead us to overlook some people who intend to wrong our children. For this reason, recognizing those who wish to harm our families actually requires courage and wisdom.

Before we explore how outwardly kind people might have ill intentions, it is important that we first grasp proper treatment that all children ought to have. When we clearly understand how children should be treated it helps us make decisions that support that right treatment.

Through a large global organization called the United Nations, almost every country in the world agreed that every child under 18 deserves certain treatment to help them grow into adulthood. Some of the most important “rights” that children are meant to have are:

1. All children deserve respect and dignity regardless of their gender, age, race, religion, social background, culture, special need or disability.
2. All children should have their basic needs met (food, water, clothing, shelter).
3. All children should be protected from unsafe, illegal or abusive behavior.
4. All children should receive appropriate discipline that is not physically or emotionally harmful.
5. All children should receive an education and work when of appropriate age.

Let’s think about our community.

• Which of these examples of proper treatment toward children do we see children receiving? Accept all answers.
• Which examples do we not see children receiving? Accept all answers.

In this lesson, we will explore how we can make sure our children receive proper treatment, especially in regard to family members, visitors and other adults that have regular contact with them.

New Ideas

15 minutes

As we discussed at the beginning of class, not all people intend to treat our children well. Let’s hear a story about a situation where a family struggles to know whether a person means harm or good for their children.

Story

Mr. Dutta waited at the edge of his village for his visitor to arrive. An important, well-off relative he had not met before was coming to stay in his home on his way to a nearby city. While Mr. Dutta thought this man’s request was unexpected, he was grateful for the opportunity. Mr. Dutta’s family had come on difficult times and he and his wife had very little money left. If they showed this relative generous hospitality, then perhaps the family would benefit in some way.

When the relative, Mr. Gupta, arrived, Mr. Dutta could not have felt more at ease with this wealthy, unknown relative. Mr. Gupta was surprisingly friendly and took immediate interest in Mr. Dutta’s family, especially his children. “You have 2 daughters and a son, you say? How old are they? How do they spend their time at home? What does your wife do for work?”

Mr. Dutta shared about his 4- and 6-year-old daughters and 2-year-old son. “Oh!” said Mr. Gupta with enthusiasm, “though I do not have a family of my own, I love children! What do yours look like? How short, tall, and good looking are they? Do tell me! What about your wife?” Mr. Dutta answered his questions, liking the easy tone of their conversation and barely noticing Mr. Gupta’s unusually detailed questions about his family.

When they reached his home, Mr. Dutta welcomed Mr. Gupta into their simple home and introduced him to his family. Mr. Gupta stood next to the Dutta family’s daughters and touched them frequently, so much so that the 4-year-old rudely pulled away. Mrs. Dutta, feeling embarrassed, spoke harshly to her daughter, telling her to be respectful to Mr. Gupta as he was an important man. Mr. Gupta laughed, touching the 4-year-old again, saying, “She just doesn’t know me yet, but will soon call me uncle!”

After the evening meal, Mr. Dutta sat with Mr. Gupta and found himself sharing about his family’s hardships: his job loss and the lack of opportunity in their community. He secretly hoped that this kind man with such a warm interest in his family might offer help. He was not disappointed. Mr. Gupta said, “I am so grateful for your hospitality on this trip and as you can see, I am alone and a bachelor. I own a business, a home, and can provide work for you. And your wife and children can stay home with me. The jobs might not pay well, but you will have a home and food. And, I am sure that your wife can help at home in the evenings. When your children are old enough, there is a good school in my city and you need not worry about school fees. Why don’t you and your family leave this place and move to my home?”

Mr. Dutta could hardly believe this kind, generous offer. All their problems would be solved and with this new beginning and offer of help, perhaps the family would make it. Though he did not admit it to himself, he wondered why Mr. Gupta, whom he had never met before, so generously offered help to his family. It seemed too good to be true, but he should set such concerns aside as now he had hope for his family’s desperate situation.

• Do you think that Mr. Dutta’s family should move in with Mr. Gupta? Why or why not? Accept all answers.

We can understand why Mr. Dutta is tempted by Mr. Gupta’s offer. To gain a new home, jobs, and education for his children sounds like a wonderful opportunity. However, there are clues in the story that indicate that Mr. Gupta might not entirely have their best interest in mind.

• What are the clues? Reread parts of the story as needed. Discuss how Mr. Gupta shows an unusual interest in how his wife and children look; how Mr. Gupta continues to touch his young daughter even after she lets him know she doesn’t like it; Mr. Gupta offers low paying jobs, making the Dutta family dependent on him; Mr. Gupta’s offer is “too good to be true.”

Child sexual abuse most often occurs from family members, neighbors, family friends or others staying in or near a home. For this reason, it is important to recognize clues that an outwardly kind or generous person may have other evil intentions, like Mr. Gupta. Here are some warning signs that a person may want to hurt a child:

• People who routinely disrespect or ignore boundaries. Such people:
  • Refuse to let a child set their own limits. For example, Mr. Dutta’s daughter set a “limit” when she let Mr. Gupta know she did not like him touching her. However, Mr. Gupta did not respect the limit that Mr. Dutta’s daughter set.
  • Don’t pay attention to cues from child. When Mr. Dutta’s daughter pulled away from Mr. Gupta, this was a cue from her that she did not want to be touched. Mr. Gupta ignored this cue and continued touching her.
  • Ignore a child’s need for and right to privacy. When a child expresses a desire to be alone, this need should be respected as much as possible.
• Inappropriate behavior. Such people:
  • Insist on or manage to spend uninterrupted time alone with a child.
  • Encourage silence and secrets in children.
  • Make inappropriate comments or jokes around children.
  • Are overly interested in a child’s looks or body parts.
• Relationship to children:
  • Spend significant time with children and show little interest in spending time with peers.
  • Treat children more like peers by sharing personal or private information or allowing children or teens to get away with inappropriate behaviors.
  • Have a “special” child friend, maybe a different one from year to year.
  • Seem “too good to be true” (e.g. frequently babysits different children for free; takes children on special outings alone; buys children gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason).

In our story, we can see that Mr. Gupta hinted that he might have evil intent toward the Dutta family children as he demonstrated some of these characteristics.

Caregiver Connection

15 minutes

We might feel uncomfortable about suspecting family and friends who visit our homes as having evil intent towards our family. However, just as Jesus demonstrates that he values children in the Bible story, we can also learn to pay attention to children and how other adults interact with them. Most adults will not intend to hurt children, but we can learn to recognize dangerous adults and protect our children from them.

It is impossible to protect our children from harm every moment, so it can help to have some general rules or practices that will help protect children under 18 from dangerous adults. Let’s play a guessing game to discover them.

Follow these instructions:

1. Hand out “Child Protection Practices” pictures copied onto pieces of paper to 5 different people around the room.
2. Have these people gather other people around them to form a small group.
3. Each group should view the paper and try guess the recommended child protection practice. Allow the groups to have fun, as it should be difficult to guess the recommended practice.
4. Allow each group to share their picture and guess the practice. Explain the correct answer, according to the chart below:

	More than one adult with a child at any time.
	No child marriage: do not marry off children under 18.
	Teach children to tell you if another person asks them to keep secrets.
	When visitors, relatives or neighbors are in the home, take special steps to protect young children.
	Keep any suspected abusers out of home.

One of the practices recommends taking special steps to protect children when visitors, relatives or neighbors are in the home.

• What ideas do you have about these special steps? Accept answers. Possible answers are: keep children with you at all times; or, only allow children to be alone or go to the bathroom with trusted family members; make sure that children sleep in your room at night; have a private space for girls to change clothes; do not force children to hug, kiss or sit on anyone’s lap, etc.

Application/Activity

15 minutes

For our activity, we will explore in groups common situations where adults might abuse children.

Follow these instructions:

• Place the participants into groups of 4-5 people.
• Verbally assign one of these situations to each group.
  • A teacher at school physically harms your child.
  • An older man in another village would like to marry your daughter.
  • A wealthy family member wishes to stay in your home whom you know has abused children before.
  • A neighbor whom you do not know well offers to care for your young children while you are working.
• Each group should discuss answers to these two questions, related to their situation:
  • Why might people in our community resist protecting their children in these circumstances?
  • What steps might a person take to protect their children anyway?
• Visit each group as they discuss, offering help if needed. When finished, ask each group to share their situation and their group’s answers to the two questions.

Reflection

4 minutes

We probably all find it uncomfortable to think that in some situations, we might fail to properly care for our children because we do not want the inconvenience or to offend another person (list other ideas the groups shared in the previous activity). However, it is helpful for us to have this kind of self-awareness. All parents sometimes make mistakes, but we can become the kind of parents who intentionally protect our children from these more serious forms of abuse. When we make love our goal, God will help us make these courageous, wise decisions for our children.

For a minute, sit quietly and respond to this question:

· What is one way that I can intentionally plan to protect my children from others who may wish to hurt them?

After a minute, invite any participants to share their ideas if they wish to do so, though many may wish to keep it private.

Closing

1 minute

• What are examples of proper treatment all children are meant to have? Respect and dignity; food, shelter, clothing, water; protection from unsafe, illegal or abusive behavior; appropriate discipline that is not physically or emotionally harmful; receive an education and work when of appropriate age.
• What steps can you take to protect children that we discussed in this lesson? Keep children with you at all times unless a visitor is trusted; try to leave child with more than one adult; say no to child marriage; do not allow any known abusers in your home.

Protecting our children from other adults who are in authority or are visiting in our home can be challenging. Our desire to show hospitality, to please a family member, or just to maintain harmony might prevent us from taking action to protect our children. However, when we make difficult choices to protect our children, the discomfort will almost always be temporary, but the love, health and wholeness that we give to our children will last a lifetime.

Global Child Protection Parenting Curriculum