Global Child Protection Parenting Curriculum
Year 1, Lesson 8: A Healed Garden - Truth Replaces Lies
Time Needed: 45 minutes
Garden Images:
Index
Teacher Preparation
Introduction
New Ideas
Story & Caregiver Connection
Application/Activity
Reflection
Closing
Teacher Preparation
Objectives
The caregiver will be able to:
- Hear a story about love bringing truth to lies of isolation, powerlessness, and impurity.
- Explain how love communicates belonging and safety, empowerment, and healing messages of essential worth to children.
- Explain how a parent, community, and culture’s judgement, neglect or desire for control can prevent a child from receiving needed messages of belonging, love and hope.
- Explore how to communicate belonging, empowerment, and hope of healing to a child, especially in traumatic situations.
Materials
- Chalkboard and chalk
- Notebook
Preparation
- Read the lesson and reflect on how to teach it wisely.
- Skim previous lesson. Prepare to have a quick review at the beginning of class.
Introduction
5 minutes
In our last lesson, we explored how all people experience being alone, feeling trapped, and a sense of uncleanliness, especially victims of abuse. We also explored how we might express hope and empowerment to those in such situations. Since we last met, what words of hope and encouragement did you share with others? Accept all answers.
Begin today’s lesson with this question:
- Think of a situation in your life when something shameful, humiliating or embarrassing happened to someone close to you—either a friend, family member or neighbor. What did you think and feel at the time? Explain that you are not looking for details or a “right” answer, but an honest exploration about how we think and feel when such things happen. Accept all answers. Some possible answers are: Sorry for the other person; thankful that it isn’t us; unsure of what to say; perhaps a sense of disgust or blame toward the humiliated person; etc.
If we are honest with ourselves, we might admit that encouraging others who have been humiliated or shamed is not easy.
- Why? Discuss this question with a neighbor. Give participants 1-2 minutes to talk and then share answers with the whole group. Some possible answers are: we are not sure what to say; we fear that others might judge us for knowing or being kind to such a person; we believe that the other person might not receive or believe our words; we do not pay attention and are too involved in our own personal lives; other people’s suffering isn’t our concern; etc.
Caring for others when something bad happens is challenging for all people—this is part of the human condition. However, what if love for others is meant to be a free gift that we offer to others no matter the circumstances? What if love invites us to support others regardless of circumstances, gender, status, or wrongs done to or through them? What if caring for children invites us to love them unconditionally?
New Ideas
5 minutes
The Bible tells a story about how Jesus cared for a woman in an unconditionally loving way. Jesus visited the house of a spiritual leader named Simon. A woman from the city heard Jesus was there and visited him. The community considered this woman to be impure. Yet, this woman honored Jesus in an unusually tender and humble way, washing his feet with her tears. When Simon questions Jesus’s acceptance of this woman, Jesus teaches a powerful lesson to the leader through this story:
Luke 7:41-47
41 “Two people owed money to a certain lender. One owed him 500 silver coins. The other owed him 50 silver coins. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back. So he let them go without paying. Which of them will love him more?”
43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who owed the most money.”
“You are right,” Jesus said.
44 Then he turned toward the woman. He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water to wash my feet. But she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss. But this woman has not stopped kissing my feet since I came in. 46 You did not put any olive oil on my head. But she has poured this perfume on my feet. 47 So I tell you this. Her many sins have been forgiven. She has shown that she understands this by her great acts of love. But whoever has been forgiven only a little loves only a little.”
- What differences did Simon see between himself and the woman at first? He was a leader, she was an outcast. He was a good example, she was a bad example. He did good things and therefore loved God while she did bad things and did not. Accept other answers.
- What did Jesus see when he looked at this woman? A woman who loved well, was grateful for his presence and forgiveness. He did not judge her by her past. Accept other answers.
- Why do you think it is hard to treat people well who have a complicated past? Accept all answers.
In the same way Jesus loved the woman with a complicated past, we are to offer children unconditional love, despite their past, their gender, their decisions, and evil done to or through them.
Story & Caregiver Connection
15 minutes
Our story today is a continuation of Maya’s situation from the previous lesson, and it explores this important opportunity to love others well. As you hear it, pay careful attention to how unconditional love shares truth instead of lies.
Story
Maya’s dark thoughts about her isolation, hopelessness and dirtiness led her to make plans to escape. She had brought shame on her family and wanted nothing more than to leave the confines of her home. Her mother’s older sister and husband lived in another city, so she made plans to live with her aunt and uncle and work in a local factory. Though her family was sorry to see her go, they also felt relief that Maya’s presence would no longer remind them of her shameful past.
During this time, Mr. Fernando had some new suffering of his own. In his work as a clerk for a local business, he was caught stealing money from the business. He was fired and publicly shamed in front of the whole community. Not only did this bring financial struggles to his family, but Mr. Fernando stopped interacting with everyone and shut himself away at home in the corner that Maya once occupied. How would he ever provide again for his family now that his reputation was permanently stained? How could he possibly find a new job? What hope was there for him now?
During this time, Mr. Silva, a wise elderly neighbor, noticed the Fernando family’s hardship and decided to come and speak with his friend Mr. Fernando. “What has happened to you?” he asked. Mr. Silva was kind and trustworthy and his non-condemning ways made it easy to share secret thoughts with him. People knew that he would not judge or gossip. Mr. Fernando found himself pouring out his shameful story about stealing money on his job. “I have brought shame on my family and now I can do nothing about it. I have no hope of a fresh start or new beginning.”
Mr. Silva sat quietly for some long moments before responding. At last he said quietly, “When shame comes on us, either through our own actions or others’ toward us, we easily accept falsehoods about ourselves: that we are forever unclean, trapped, and without hope. However, what if these are lies and a deeper truth claims that we are not alone, that we are not forever trapped in shame, and that we can be clean again?”
Mr. Silva was silent again for a moment before continuing gently, “Every person undergoes shame and failure, so no one is ever alone in them. But a love exists that welcomes us with open arms anyway and says that our true, best selves are still available to us. We can allow shame and humiliation to block us, or we can receive love’s unconditional truth of our worth and focus on who we are meant to be. No humiliation needs to permanently prevent us from turning in the right direction and growing into our true, best selves.”
After Mr. Silva had returned home, Mr. Fernando reflected on his words to him. It was a new idea that his shameful job loss need not trap him in shame and failure, but that he was still worthy of love. If this love was true, then he could change and commit to honesty in his work, becoming the trustworthy and dependable person that he was meant to be. He would have to disregard others’ low view of him (and his own self-condemnation) and turn toward love, rather than his errors.
Then his thoughts turned toward his daughter, Maya. For the first time, he wondered how she felt after the rape. He remembered her sitting alone for hours in the same spot in their house that he had been occupying. Did she believe the same lies: that she was alone in her shame, that it trapped her and she was forever unclean? When the rape occurred, his anger and embarrassment at her defilement had prevented him from thinking about her. He had wanted to take revenge and somehow fix the situation, rather than consider her needs. With new resolve, he made plans to invite Maya to return home. He could remind her of her worth and her status as his daughter and share the same hope that he had received from Mr. Silva.
When Maya arrived, her father welcomed her with open arms back into the family. He said, “You are my precious daughter, and your home is always here for you. The pain that drove you away need not stay forever. We will love and protect you, and you can move forward in your life as you are ready.” Maya wept as she heard these words, and she felt a new hope that her life could begin anew.
Ask the participants these questions:
- What in this story seems realistic? What part seems unrealistic? Accept all answers.
- What causes Mr. Fernando to respond to his daughter differently in the end of the story? He undergoes shameful circumstances himself and experiences what Maya felt. Mr. Silva accepts him in his humiliation and is still his friend. Mr. Silva helps him recognize the lies he believes about himself and shares truth that brings Mr. Fernando hope. Mr. Fernando recognizes that Maya’s situation is similar to his own and that he can care for her as Mr. Silva cared for him, etc.
- How is Mr. Fernando’s situation different from Maya’s? He is to blame for his shameful circumstances, while she is not.
- When something shameful happens to us, why do we often not believe that others love and care for us or that our circumstances can improve, or that we can have a new beginning? Accept all answers. Explore together how our families, culture, and community often respond in shock, horror, or distress when something shameful occurs. Family members may feel ashamed themselves and care more about their own humiliation than they do about the victimized person. Or, family members may wish to take control of the situation and resolve it quickly, through getting revenge or finding convenient solutions (such as early marriage) as quickly as possible.
When something shameful happens to us, it affects both the shamed person and the surrounding family and community. Everyone involved tends to focus on the shameful experience rather than hope and truth. This unhealthy focus dwells on lies rather than hope. The person undergoing shame needs to receive unconditionally loving truth so that these core lies regarding isolation, entrapment and uncleanliness can be overcome. All people experience shame, but no one is ever alone or needs to be forever trapped by it.
Empathy is very helpful as we give unconditional love to others during these times. Empathy means sharing another’s feelings. It doesn’t mean that we share the experience, but we imagine what the other might be feeling and why. For example, even if you haven’t experienced the exact same situation (ex: abuse) as someone else, you can imagine how someone else might feel (ex: ashamed) because you’ve felt that, too. Empathy for another can increase our concern and care so we can offer hope to others.
Caregiver Connection
The story about how Jesus both forgives and honors the woman with a disreputable past teaches us about how God loves all people. Though terrible wrongs such as rape commonly occur in our world, we have hope through God’s love to gain freedom from such painful circumstances.
As caregivers, we can make a practice of extending unconditional love to our children just as God does for us. We can begin with forgiving our children in small ways so that when bigger issues arise, we are prepared to love them well so that they can escape lies of isolation, entrapment and uncleanliness. And making an effort to empathize with our children can help us respond in love and gentleness, which opens the door to healing.
Application/Activity
15 minutes
In dramatic performances, sometimes a character will share what is called a monologue or soliloquy—when the character shares their inner thoughts and feelings. In groups, you will each create a simple monologue where Mr. Fernando shares what he has learned about overcoming lies of isolation, entrapment and uncleanness and receiving love’s hope and truth instead. I will reread key parts of the story as much as needed to help you prepare.
Follow these instructions:
- Have participants get into groups of 3-4 people.
- Read paragraphs 5 and 6 from the story where Mr. Fernando thinks about what he has learned.
- Have each group create a simple monologue (or speech to the audience) where Mr. Fernando shares what he has learned about sharing truth with another person who has undergone shame as a result of trauma or failure.
- Give the groups 3-5 minutes to prepare their short speeches. Reread paragraphs 4 and 5 out loud as needed to help the groups prepare.
- One person from each group should present the group’s short speech to the whole class.
In the previous lesson, we discussed specific examples of what we might say and do to encourage a child who has been traumatized and shamed. What we say and do is important, but as we can observe from our story, what the people who surround a victim think and feel inside about a shameful circumstance will direct how they respond. If we feel disgust, embarrassment, responsibility or even personal shame over a child’s abuse or defilement, we will not share the love and truth the child needs.
Some simple practices to help you communicate hope to a traumatized child are:
- Acknowledge your internal thoughts and feelings first: what you think and feel about the circumstances, especially if you feel anger, shame, or embarrassment about it. Choose to instead to empathize and respond outwardly to the child in unconditional love.
- Focus on what is true and good about the child that is bigger than the trauma.
- Affirm the child’s secure and safe position in the family.
Reflection
4 minutes
Perhaps you have already faced such a situation in your family or fear that one day you will. Even if a child is never an abuse victim, you can be certain that every child will encounter shame, either through their own actions or another person’s.
- How do you typically respond in such situations?
Take 1-2 minutes of quiet and reflect on what happens inside you when a child experiences shame. Remain silent for 1-2 minutes.
Now take another minute and see yourself responding in unconditional love and sharing truth with a child to overcome lies of isolation, entrapment, impurity. Remain silent for one minute.
Closing
1 minute
Taking the time to imagine ourselves responding well to a shameful circumstance is a small step to becoming the kind of person who responds in unconditional love.
- What other practices can you do to share loving truth with a traumatized child? Acknowledge inner thoughts and feelings to the shameful circumstance and choose to respond in unconditional love. Focus on what is true and good about the child that is bigger than the abuse. Remember and affirm your commitment to the child’s secure and safe position within the family.
When shameful circumstances happen to our families, we can remember the good news that Mr. Silva shared in our story. No person need remain forever trapped in isolation and feelings of uncleanliness. Unconditional love and worth is available to every person and the truth is that everyone can become who they are meant to be with love’s help.
