Global Child Protection Parenting Curriculum

Year 1, Lesson 6: A Maintained and Healthy Garden - Parent Child Communication

`Time Needed: 45 minutes`

Garden Images:

African woman bending over a garden with a gardening tool — Africa

Latin American woman sitting in garden, gathering vegetables — Latin America & the Caribbean

South Asian woman working in a garden, holding a plant — Asia

Index

Teacher Preparation

Objectives

The caregiver will be able to:

Hear a story about how Jesus’ parents respond to his decision to stay behind in Jerusalem.
Explain why open caregiver-child communication is important for child safety and protection.
Describe verbal and non-verbal communication.
List practices that promote healthy communication: [Listening, observing, speaking, questioning, analyzing (without judgement) and evaluating.]
Explore negative heart attitudes that discourage healthy communication.

Materials

Chalkboard and chalk
Sets fo emotion cards (see Preparation)
Two scripts in Activity section

Preparation

Read the lesson and reflect on how to teach it wisely.
Skim previous lesson. Prepare to have a quick review at the beginning of class.
Make sets of emotion cards as show at the end of the lesson. These can be printed or easily drawn. Each set should contain 8 small papers with one emotion printed or drawn on each. You will need 1 set for each pair of participants.
Contextualize the scenarios in the activity section as needed.
Read through the activity scripts and decide who you might ask to help you demonstrate these.

Introduction

5 minutes

In last week’s lesson, you learned the importance of allowing evil, such as child abuse, to be exposed so that healing can occur.

Does anyone want to share a story about how allowing wrongs to be exposed has brought healing? Accept answers.

Activity

Today we will explore the theme of communication. I want to start with a short game where we communicate without words using only facial expressions. The game is called “Read My Emotions.”

Follow these instructions:

Demonstrate how to play the game. Pick one card from a set and make that facial expression without using words to indicate the word/emotion on the card. For instance, if the word is “sad”, you might frown. Then ask the class to guess what you are feeling when you make this expression and allow them to respond.
Next, ask the participants to find a partner. If you have an odd number of participants, a group of three is fine.
Divide the set of emotion cards between the participants, explaining that they not show their cards to their partner.
Ask the partners to choose who will go first. This is the actor.
The actor must view the first card in their set and demonstrate this emotion through a facial expression for the other participant to guess. If the other participant guesses the correct emotion on the first try, the actor gets a point. Explain that some expressions are challenging.
They other partner then becomes the actor. Their partner only gets one guess. If they are not correct, the card is put back in the set for the next turn.
As the partners play, they should award a point to the actor each time a person correctly guesses the emotion.
When everyone has played through their set of cards, the game is over.
Determine who has the most points and announce the winner.

How did you guess what the participant was saying to you when they didn’t use any words? Accept answers. Sometimes we don’t need words to see on someone’s face what they are thinking or feeling.

Was it easy or difficult to guess the emotions?

Our facial expressions reveal to others what we think and feel, even when we don’t intend or realize we are communicating these emotions. Studies have found that facial expressions and non-verbal actions communicate even more than our words.

Today we will explore the various ways we communicate with each other and our children. We want to grow more aware of what and how we communicate because communication improves relationships. Healthy communication and relationships in our families grow mature and healthy children.

In this lesson, you will:

Describe verbal and non-verbal communication.
Explain why open caregiver-child communication is important for child safety and protection.
Hear a story about how Jesus’ parents respond to his decision to stay behind in Jerusalem.
List practices that promote healthy communication.
Explore negative heart attitudes that discourage healthy communication.

New Ideas

10 minutes

In our beginning activity, you experienced how it’s possible to know what another person is thinking or feeling even if no words are spoken. Our children also use expression and actions that communicate their emotions, even as newborns. They cry, scream, or smile.

We communicate to our children in return. As infants, we hold and comfort them as they grow. We also might give our child an expression to show they’ve done something wrong or put our arms around them to express affection. These expressions and actions are known as non-verbal communication.

Verbal communication gives information through words—both what we say and how we say it. Non-verbal communication gives information without words—through facial expression, gestures and actions.

Turn to another person and try to restate the definition of verbal and non-verbal communication. Restate the difference between verbal and non-verbal if needed.

Now, think about how you communicate to family members and children. If it’s helpful for participants to speak in smaller groups or pairs to answer the following questions, invite them to do so.

What is one non-verbal expression or action you use to communicate with your child(ren)?
What is one example of how you positively communicate with your child(ren)?

Our verbal and non-verbal communication are some of the most important aspects of parenting. We constantly communicate with our children, even when we don’t use words. Communication is a primary way we love and protect our children.

When a caregiver uses positive communication skills, a child will more willingly trust and share experiences, emotions, and desires, and even possible threats of abuse from a relative, friend or stranger. Shame and secrecy are less likely to grow when there is healthy communication. Research shows that families who build trust raise children who are less likely to misbehave.

Turn to a partner and tell them one reason you would like to learn better healthy communication skills.

We can learn about healthy and unhealthy communication through Bible stories. Throughout the Bible, we see verbal and non-verbal interaction between God and people and between people and their children. Today we will examine an interaction between Jesus and his parents to explore how they communicated with each other. As I read, think about the following question:

Do you think the characters in today’s reading demonstrated poor or healthy communication skills?

Read the following passage aloud to participants.

Luke 2:41-52

41 Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Passover Feast. 42 When Jesus was 12 years old, they went up to the feast as usual. 43 After the feast was over, his parents left to go back home. The boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. But they were not aware of it. 44 They thought he was somewhere in their group. So they traveled on for a day. Then they began to look for him among their relatives and friends. 45 They did not find him. So they went back to Jerusalem to look for him.

Explain to the participants that families travelled in large groups and Mary and Joseph would have assumed Jesus was somewhere among the families, traveling home.

46 After three days they found him in the temple courtyard. He was sitting with the teachers. He was listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at how much he understood. They also were amazed at his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were amazed. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been worried about you. We have been looking for you everywhere.”

What did Mary and Joseph communicate verbally to Jesus? “Why did you treat us this way? We have been worried about you. We have been looking for you everywhere.”
What do you think Mary and Joseph communicated non-verbally in this scene? Accept answers. There are no right or wrong answers; this is a guess. Possible answers may include but are not limited to: fear, frustration, anger, exhaustion, confusion.

49 “Why were you looking for me?” [Jesus] asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” 50 But they did not understand what he meant by that.

What did Jesus communicate verbally to his parents? “Why were you looking for me? Didn’t you know I had to be in my father’s house?”
What do you think Jesus communicated non-verbally to his parents? Accept answers. There are no right or wrong answers; this is a guess. Possible answers may include but are not limited to: confusion about their worry; confidence in what he was doing; kindness.

51 Then he went back to Nazareth with them, and he obeyed them. But his mother kept all these things like a secret treasure in her heart. 52 Jesus became wiser and stronger. He also became more and more pleasing to God and to people.

Do you think Mary, Joseph and Jesus demonstrated poor or healthy communication skills? Accept answers. They had healthy communication skills, at least in this story.

It must have been challenging for Mary and Joseph to parent Jesus. Mary and Joseph had to release their plans to allow God the Father to lead Jesus. We can learn from Mary and Joseph in our own parenting. Even though they felt afraid and didn’t understand, they didn’t manipulate or shame Jesus. Instead, they asked questions, listened to his reasons, and tried to understand.

Caregiver Connection

10 minutes

We cannot parent without sometimes feeling fear and confusion, as these are natural emotions for every parent. But we can choose how we respond to these emotions. We can choose to communicate love to our children even when we feel fear and confusion as Mary and Joseph must have felt. We can listen to our children, watch their behavior, speak gently, ask questions, and consider how to be wise.

Let’s look at some of the practices that promote healthy communication. There are five key practices we can use to improve communication with our children. They are:

Watch (point to eye)
Listen (point to ear)
Ask (open hands with palms up to illustrate openness)
Speak (point to mouth)
Think (point to head)

Repeat these five ways a couple times, then say to the class: Turn to another participant and see if you can repeat these five ways, with each hand motion, to better communicate with our children. Give participants a moment to do this.

Now, let’s talk about how each practice might help us in our communication. As you point to each to each body part, invite the participants to repeat the word again and also point at the body part.

Watch:

When we watch (point to your eye), we pay attention to what our child tells us with their body-language. Body language is a type of non-verbal communication. Body language is the way a body (including face) speaks externally about what is happening internally. For example, when a child has tears, tense muscles or pulls their body into a ball they probably feel fear or anxiety. When a child hits things or gets dark in the face, they are likely angry. But when their shoulders are relaxed, they smile and sing or laugh, their body communicates peace and joy.

We can learn what is happening internally with our children when we watch (point to the eye) their external body-language. When you watch (point to the eye) and notice something is upsetting them, this is your chance to support and love them by listening and speaking about it.

Listen:

When we listen (point to the ear), we communicate love to our children. We want to be active, not passive listeners. Active listening happens when we focus our attention on our child. We can actively listen (point to the ear) when we stop doing other things, get down on our child’s level, look interested, ask questions, keep eye contact, and nod our head.

Ask:

When we ask (open hands) we choose to be open (like our hands)—to not assume we know everything about what they are thinking and feeling. We often don’t know what is happening in our child’s heart and mind. It’s important to watch (point to the eye) their body-language, listen (point to the ear), and ask (open hands) them questions to clarify and help us understand. For example, when a child is having a problem with another child in school, ask them how they feel about the relationship; ask what they think might be a way to solve the problem rather than giving them a lecture on what they should do.

If you don’t understand them, resist saying something like, “That doesn’t make sense. You should do this or that!” Instead, try to understand what they are saying. Ask (open hands) more questions and be patient.

Speak:

When we speak (point to mouth) to our children, we want to use encouraging words that bless our children. We want to speak with a tone of kindness and patience rather than irritation or anger. How we speak (point to mouth) matters just as much as what we speak. Here’s an example.

Listen for the difference: Demonstrate by saying, “That is fine with me” in a kind tone and then, “That is fine with me” in an angry tone.

Try not to yell at your children, even when they have done something wrong. Try to speak (point to mouth) simple and gentle requests of your children as much as you can.

Think:

When we think (point to head) about our communication, we are not quick to react to our children. Don’t be too quick to respond when your child reacts emotionally to a situation. Just because they are angry and frustrated does not mean you have to be. If you need to get control of your own anger, it may be a good idea to just watch, listen and ask questions.

We may not always know how to respond right away in a situation; we may need to wait and think about how to encourage or challenge a child. Like Mary, we can ponder or think (point to head) about what is most wise.

Application/Activity

15 minutes

Let’s try to apply some of these concepts and see how they might apply in a scenario with our children.

Activity

Ask for two participants to volunteer for two small skits.
If one or both are literate, they can be given a script. Otherwise, you can guide them through the skit.
Quietly explain that one will demonstrate poor communication and the other healthy communication.
Choose one volunteer to go first.
In each skit, the participant will play the parent and the other a child. Welcome them to be creative and have fun. Allow them to contextualize or respond with poor or good communication in their own way if they desire to do so.

First Scenario (Poor Communication)

Explain to the first volunteer they will be the caregiver, acting out poor communication with a child. Hand them the following script to read or explain it verbally.

Child: Comes home from school, drops his/her school bags on the floor instead of putting them away and sits on a chair, looking sad.

Parent: Ignores the child, or maybe looks at the child, but makes some motion (i.e.: shrugs) to suggest s/he doesn’t care.

Child: I hate school.

Parent: Don’t say that. You don’t mean it (using a mean tone).

Child: I had an awful day. I don’t ever want to go back.

Parent: Nothing we can do about that. Now, you should get busy with your chores. We don’t have time to be sad (using a mean tone).

Thank the participant and assure them they did a great job. Ask the other class members the following questions:

How did the caregiver in this skit communicate with the “child”? Poorly.
Which of the five communication skills (restate with motions) did the parent use? None.
What did the caregiver do that demonstrated poor communication? The caregiver didn’t stop their work. The caregiver didn’t allow the child to talk about his experience or feelings.
What could the parent have done to better communicate? Accept ideas based on some of the ways discussed. Watch for signs that something was wrong and respond; listen to the child’s story, ask more questions, wait.

Second Scenario (Healthy Communication)

This script is a bit more complicated, so choose a participant who can read. Alternately, consider describing the scene and reading the script to the class.

If you have a volunteer, bring them up now. Quietly explain that they will be the caregiver and you will be the child. Hand them the following script to read or explain it verbally.

Child: Comes in and throw jacket on the floor, forgets to take off shoes and sits on the couch, putting their head in their hands.

Parent: Comes over to the child and looks them in the eye. Maybe puts arm around the child. Is there something wrong? You don’t usually forget to take off your shoes. You look upset.

Child: Closes arms around self and brings legs in. Nothing!

Parent: This isn’t how you usually come home from school. Today there seems to be something making you sad. What’s upsetting you? Waits patiently for child to answer.

Child: Quiet for a little while, then says: Jake didn’t let me have a turn with his new toy at school.

Parent: Oh. I’m sorry. That feels disappointing. Why do you think that happened?

Child: I don’t know. He said I might break it.

Parent: Well, I can understand you feel upset and disappointed. It’s hard to not get what we want. But it’s a new toy and we sometimes want to protect new things. Can you imagine how you might feel if you were Jake?

Child: I think so.

Parent: It’s hard when we can’t have what we want. Maybe we can both think about this and ask God to bring patience and love for Jake.

Thank the participant (if you had one) and assure them they did a great job. Ask the other class members the following questions:

How did the “parent” in this scenario communicate with the “child”? Well.
What did the caregiver do that demonstrated healthy communication? Which of the five communication skills did the parent use? Accept answers. Possible answers may include s/he watched (point to eye) body language; listened (point to ear) and waited; asked questions; spoke truth; thought (point to mind) and encouraged their child to think and pray.

These communication skills can be used at every stage of a child’s development. We can always grow in these skills and increase our love for our children. In the early years, they will need us to listen and will more easily receive our attention. But sometimes, as children enter the adolescent years, they grow independent and may stop sharing their thoughts and feelings with us.

The best way to maintain a healthy relationship with an adolescent is to continue to ask questions, listen, wait for them to respond, think, and pray for God’s wisdom. Remember that they are going through a major transition in their body, mind and heart at this stage. Try not to be easily offended when they pull away or say negative things. Stay interested in the things that interest them.

We can study these skills and see skits about them, but the truth is, communication is very challenging and there are obstacles to having a healthy relationship with our children.

What do you think are some reasons we don’t choose healthy communication with our children? Allow participants to answer. Possible answers may include but are not limited to: We focus on our own resentment or anger; we feel overwhelmed with things in life and feel that takes too much time and energy; we feel like we will make mistakes; we don’t want to know what our children think; it’s easier to just make them obey us and do their chores.

God has given our children to us. It is our work to tend and care for them. This is our calling—to love God and our neighbor as ourselves. There is rarely anyone more near us than our children. We can love them by communicating with them. We can practice healthy communication with our eyes, ears, mouth, mind, and open hands.

Reflection

4 minutes

At the end of today’s passage, we read that Mary pondered the events that occurred in her heart even as she felt confused and fearful about how Jesus was pulling away from her and Joseph. This means she reflected on what happened and probably asked God to help her accept how he was leading his son.

We can do the same. We can’t control our children or make all their choices for them. Sometimes they will choose what hurts them and us. In these times, especially, we need God’s presence and can invite him to bring us wisdom in how to communicate and love our children.

Let’s spend a moment of silence now and reflect on our own relationship with our children. Allow participants to be silent for one minute as they reflect on this question to ask God.

What is one communication skill you want me to use more frequently to love my child?

Closing

1 minute

In this lesson you:

Described verbal and non-verbal communication.
Explained why open caregiver-child communication is important for child safety and protection.
Heard a story about how Jesus’ parents respond to his decision to stay behind in Jerusalem.
Listed practices that promote healthy communication.
Explored negative heart attitudes that discourage healthy communication.

Communication is an exchange of thoughts, feelings, or ideas between two people. We communicate verbally and non-verbally and the way we choose to do this significantly impacts our relationship with our children.

Just as our children are growing and learning, we too can grow and learn in the garden of love. We can resist our own negative heart attitudes, use our bodies to communicate concern, choose a kind tone of voice, slow down and listen to our children. All of this helps us to better love and keep them safe.

Resources

Miller, Kelly BA, CAPP.(2022, January 1). 39 Communication Games and Activities for Kids, Teens, and Students. Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/communication-activities-adults-students

Better Parenting Facilitators Manual. (2018). USAID. 4 Children Nigeria. https://resourcecentre.savethechildren.net/pdf/better-parenting-facilitator-manual_final_high-res-for-printing_23-5-2018.pdf

Emotion Card Set