Global Child Protection Parenting Curriculum
Year 2, Lesson 6: A Maintained and Healthy Garden: Positive Child Discipline
Time Needed: 45 minutes
Garden Images:
Index
Teacher Preparation
Introduction
New Ideas
Application/Activity
Caregiver Connection
Reflection
Closing
Tree Image
Teacher Preparation
Objectives
The caregiver will be able to:
- Hear a scripture about how our hearts can lead us to mistreat others or to respond in love and patience.
- Describe the negative consequences of corporal punishment.
- List examples of positive disciplinary approaches.
- Explore heart attitudes that influence how we discipline our children.
Materials
- Chalkboard and chalk
- Tree image (see end of lesson)
Preparation
- Read the lesson and reflect on how to teach it wisely.
- Skim previous lesson. Prepare to have a quick review at the beginning of class.
Introduction
5 minutes
In the last lesson, we talked about the importance of teaching our children to have healthy boundaries.
- What are healthy boundaries? Limits we set for our physical body and our emotional well-being.
- Does anyone want to share a time you tried an idea from the last lesson? Accept answers.
Today we are going to talk about positive child discipline.
- When you hear the word “discipline”, what words or images come to your mind? Accept all answers.
We often link discipline with negative words, like punishment, being bad and bringing shame on ourselves or others.
- Why is discipline so often viewed negatively? Accept answers.
- Think of a time in your childhood where you were harshly disciplined for something. Did the harsh discipline correct your behavior? Why or why not? Accept answers.
The way we discipline our children is generally the same way our parents disciplined us. We may have been raised in a home with positive discipline, or we might only have examples of negative discipline.
Here are a few examples of negative child discipline. As I read each example, listen for what motivates the caregiver to discipline as they do. After each example, ask the participants to identify the caregiver’s motive. Answers are found after each example. Other answers are possible, so accept all responses.
- The caregiver is exhausted from a hard day of labor and ignores their child’s negative behavior. Answer: exhaustion
- The caregiver yells at the child in anger, telling them they are a bad and worthless person. Answer: anger
- The caregiver just wants peace and quiet, so when their child throws a tantrum, they give them what they want. Answer: desire for peace and quiet
- The child speaks to the caregiver disrespectfully, so they beat the child to teach them to never do it again. Answer: desire to control.
There is no such thing as a perfect caregiver. Every caregiver makes mistakes when raising their children. But as we learn to reflect on our own motives for discipline, and ask love to move in us instead, we will find help and guidance on how to make positive discipline choices with our children.
In today’s lesson, we will:
- Hear a scripture about how our hearts can lead us to mistreat others or to respond in love and patience.
- Describe the negative consequences of corporal punishment.
- List examples of positive disciplinary approaches.
- Explore heart attitudes that influence how we discipline our children.
New Ideas
15 minutes
It is important and necessary to discipline our children. We want our children to grow healthy and strong and to learn to make wise and loving choices.
- Why is discipline so important to our children’s healthy growth and development? Accept answers. Possible answers: corrects wrong actions; teaches right from wrong; teaches us how to live well.
The goal of discipline is to teach our children the difference between good and evil, so that they can choose what is good for themselves and others. Discipline is meant to correct and restore right relationships with those who were wronged.
Even as adults, we don’t always think about our actions coming from good or evil motives. We most often simply choose what we want, not thinking about whether it’s good for us or others. Understanding what motivates our hearts is so important. Our hearts can lead us to mistreat others or to respond in love.
Show participants the Tree image listed at the end of this lesson. This tree is meant to represent a person.
- What do you notice about the tree? Accept answers.
- What is causing one side to be alive and thriving and the other side to be dead and broken? The roots.
- How important are the roots to the health of a tree? Very important.
- If the tree is a person, what do you think its roots represent? Accept all answers.
Today, I’d like us to think of the roots as representing the motivations of our heart. What motivates us to do good? What motivates us to do evil? Today’s scripture explores these questions.
We will read from Colossians chapter 3, a book in the New Testament of the Bible. The Apostle Paul wrote this letter to a group of new Christians. In the portion of the letter we will read today, Paul explains that because Christians follow the way of Jesus Christ, they must put to death the ways of evil, and instead, put on the ways of Jesus Christ. What does this mean? How does it work? Let’s listen to what the scripture says.
Colossians 3:1-10a, 12-14
1 You have been raised up with Christ. So think about things that are in heaven. That is where Christ is. He is sitting at God’s right hand. 2 Think about things that are in heaven. Don’t think about things that are only on earth. 3 You died. Now your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 Christ is your life. When he appears again, you also will appear with him in heaven’s glory.
Let’s pause here for a moment. Where we place our thoughts is important to Paul.
- How do our thoughts affect the choices we make? Accept answers.
Our thoughts are directly related to the motives of our heart. Paul says our thoughts should not dwell on earthly things, but rather on heavenly things, because that is where Jesus is. When our thoughts dwell on earthly things, our motives become rooted in evil. Remember, anything not rooted in love is evil. Being prideful, acting in fear, and being selfish are not from love; even these common actions are motivated by evil. But when our thoughts dwell on heavenly things, our motives become rooted in Jesus’ love.
But what does he mean by heavenly versus earthly things? Paul goes on to describe two different people—one is our “old self”, which is clothed in earthly things and one is our “new self”, which is clothed in heavenly things. Listen first to his description of the old self. What earthly things does he tell the Christians to put to death?
5 So put to death anything that comes from sinful desires. Get rid of sexual sins and impure acts. Don’t let your feelings get out of control. Remove from your life all evil desires. Stop always wanting more and more. You might as well be worshiping statues of gods. 6 God’s anger is going to come because of these things. 7 That’s the way you lived at one time in your life. 8 But now here are the kinds of things you must also get rid of. You must get rid of anger, rage, hate and lies. Let no dirty words come out of your mouths. 9 Don’t lie to one another. You have gotten rid of your old way of life and its habits.
- What earthly things does he tell the Christians to put to death? Possible answers: sexual sins, impure acts, uncontrolled feelings, wanting more and more, anger, rage, hate, lies, dirty words.
- Consider what happens when we set our thoughts on such things as anger, rage or hate. How might these earthly things affect the choices we make when we discipline our children? Accept answers.
Allowing thoughts of anger, rage or hate to influence the way we discipline our children leads to physical and verbal abuse. An example is the use of corporal punishment as discipline.
- What is corporal punishment? Accept answers.
The goal of corporal punishment is to stop a child’s unacceptable behavior through deliberately inflicting physical suffering. Corporal punishment is motivated by anger, fear and the desire to control.
- Can you think of any negative consequences that are caused from disciplining children through corporal punishment? Accept answers. Possible answers: physical harm of child; poor mental health of child; broken relationship between parent and child; planting anger and hatred in child’s heart; poor grades in school; inability to make friends.
The consequences of corporal punishment in the life of a child are serious. Not only does it cause physical suffering, it also causes mental and emotional suffering and affects a child’s ability to learn and grow into a healthy, strong and loving adult.
We all struggle with setting our thoughts on earthly things rather than heavenly things. Because we all struggle, we know that it is not always easy to put these sinful motives to death. As Christians, we believe that we cannot put these things to death without God’s help. We must turn our thoughts towards Jesus in order to put to death earthly things. Jesus wants to help us. He will correct us when we are wrong. He will help us put to death earthly things. He will replace our earthly desires with his love. He does this because he loves us. He understands that these earthly desires want to control us and will destroy us. Putting these things to death brings us new life.
Let’s keep reading the letter to learn about this new life. What heavenly things does Paul tell us to clothe ourselves with instead?
10a You have started living a new life. 12 You are God’s chosen people. You are holy and dearly loved. So put on tender mercy and kindness as if they were your clothes. Don’t be proud. Be gentle and patient. 13 Put up with one another. Forgive one another if you are holding something against someone. Forgive, just as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these good things put on love. Love holds them all together perfectly as if they were one.
- What heavenly things do we clothe ourselves in? Possible answers: tender mercy, kindness, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love.
- Consider what happens when we set our thoughts on such things as mercy, forgiveness and love. How might these heavenly things affect the choices we make when we discipline our children? Accept answers. Possible answers: desire to understand heart motives behind behavior; see mistakes as opportunities for growth; ask questions and listen for understanding; work towards reconciliation; help child towards taking responsibility for actions and repairing damage done.
Write the following sentence on the board.
The goal for child discipline is to teach our children the difference between good and evil, so that they can choose what is good for themselves and others.
With a positive vision of discipline, mistakes become opportunities for growth. For example, if a child wrongs another person with their words or action, we help them take responsibility for their choices and help them work to repair the relationship.
Application/Activity
15 minutes
If corporal punishment is not the answer for how to discipline, what are positive ways to discipline our children?
Follow these instructions:
- Ask participants to get into groups of 3-5.
- Explain to the class that you will read a short scenario where discipline is required.
- After the scenario is read, the group will be given a few minutes to first discuss how to address the caregiver’s heart motivation.
- Next, they will discuss possible positive discipline choices they could make.
Read this scenario: You are tired after a long day of labor. Your older child talks rudely to you, which makes you angry. Allow the groups time to discuss.
- Knowing you are tired and angry, what are things you can do to help prepare you to make a positive discipline choice? Accept all answers. Possible answers: take a deep breath to calm yourself down before talking to them; let them know they have upset you but wait to fully address the issue until you are calm; ask God for help to handle the situation well.
When we use harsh and angry words with our children, they become afraid of us. When we talk to our children calmly, they are better able to hear and receive our discipline.
- What are possible positive discipline choices you could make in this situation? Accept answers. Possible answers: have a conversation about how to show respect with your words; ask questions to understand their heart motives in speaking rudely to you and tell them that you received their words as disrespectful towards you; discuss together how to repair the hurt you received from their words.
Caregiver Connection
5 minutes
Show the Tree image and point to the roots.
When we think about disciplining our children, it is good to understand what is motivating our hearts. Are our thoughts on earthly things (point to the dead roots) or on heavenly things (point to the healthy roots)? The goal for positive discipline is to teach our children to know the difference between good and evil, so that they can choose what is good for themselves and others. As we place our thoughts on love, we will grow in the ability to discipline our children in love.
Reflection
4 minutes
Let’s spend a few minutes in silent reflection. When we take time to be silent, our thoughts and feelings are allowed to surface. God wants us to bring our whole self to him—our thoughts and feelings, our hopes and fears, our worries and griefs. His love for us is unconditional, which means it isn’t based on good behavior or bad behavior. We can come to God and tell him truly what is in our hearts—whether it be good or bad. He will not turn away from us in disgust or disappointment. He will correct us, heal us, restore us and guide us into his way of love. Let’s take a minute to be silent. Allow a minute of silence
- What is one area that you need God’s help to discipline your children in love?
Allow participants to be silent for one minute as they reflect on the question.
- Ask God for one idea to help build a positive relationship between you and your child.
Allow participants to be silent for one minute as they reflect on the question.
Closing
4 minutes
In the coming weeks, notice what is going on in your heart when you need to discipline your child. When you recognize earthly things, like anger or a desire to control, turn to God and ask him for help. Allow him to fill you with his love. Parents who learn to discipline in love raise children who are healthy and strong, and able to make wise and loving choices for themselves and others.
